End of Season

My season ended about two weeks ago.  I feel like I invested the last 9 months into this season (3 months in off-season, 3 months learning, growing and preparing in California, and 3 months in season. It's crazy that it's over already. 

I am so grateful to have interned with FCA volleyball this summer.  It changed the way I played, helped me become a better leader on my team, and helped me know God more.  My entire volleyball career I've tried to find my identity in the sport of volleyball.  I was overly concerned about my playing time, what coaches, teammates, fans, parents thought of me, and the result of winning and losing.  I would come in to season on a spiritual high ready to play volleyball for God, but by the end of season I was totally burned out and ready to be done with the season because my identity was in volleyball and not in God.

Previous Seasons                                                                                 This season
-I played for God.                                                                   -I was able to play with God.
-I played with fear.                                                                - I was able to play with joy and freedom.
-I was jealous of teammates.                                                 - I was able to love my teammates.
- I held on to my mistakes.                                                    - I laughed off mistakes (literally).
-I was defeated when I was benched.                                    - I was not shaken when I was taken out.
- I thought I was more important because I was a starter.     - I realized that everyone was important.
- I was so frustrated with losing.                                            -Process is more important than results.

Many people think that college athletics is stressful and all about perfomance, but I don't think that is how God intended it to be.  There were definitely times when I was stressed this season but overall I don't view the season as stressful.  I felt a new love for the game and had a blast playing with freedom.  I've never laughed and smiled so much playing college volleyball.
My team adopted the idea of playing with freedom and seeked to understand what that meant. We believed that loving each other on the court and giving our all is more important than winning.  We noticed that when we were loving and encouraging each other was when we played the best and often led to wins.

 This season was full of so many trials which reminded us that the Christian life isn't always easy.  We began pre-season 16-3 and beat some pretty good teams.  After what seemed like was a great season, we went 3-8 in conference, had a few injuries, and cut a player from the team.  These trials allowed sin to creep in which prevented us from being able to love well.  We ran sprints (at midnight), had many heart to heart conversations to try to figure out why we weren't loving each other on the court and why that resulted in us losing so much. 
God was breaking us down.  We hated the things we went through, but in the end it brought us closer to God and to each other.  There was one point in the season when my coaches were broken and had to make some hard decisions.  Before one of our biggest conference matches, one of my coaches pulled me out of the locker room with tears in her eyes.  She said, "I have always liked the idea of playing/ coaching with freedom, but I still don't know what it means for  me, especially at this point in the season."  My teammates and I also felt this way.  Once we were broken and realized our need for Him, we began to love each other well again and play with more freedom. 
Last year at this point I was tired of volleyball and felt distant from God.  The internship helped me realize that my identity lies in Christ and that I am loved unconditionally regardless of how good I am of a volleyball player I am.

 

       

Life after the internship

As scared and nervous as I was about coming back home, God has been with me and already doing some pretty awesome things on my team.  I didn't know what things would look like on my team when I got back.  I knew that my team was full of wonderful girls who loved God and wanted to play for Him but there is a big difference in doing things for God and with God.  I am also one of the four captains on my team this season and didn't know what my role would be. 

It has only been a week but the way I play and view my team is so different than any other season.  I don't see my teammates as competition for playing time, get mad at them as easily when they mess up, and have been more intentional with them on and off the court. 

I have been able to talk to some of my teammates about my summer and how God has changed the way I play volleyball.  There are a few girls on my team who are really interested in the idea of laying with God and how to have freedom when we play. 

Last night we watched a video "Beware of Christians," and had great discussions after as a team.  I was in tears because it made me think so much of California and the vision that God gave me of this team.  What I experienced in California is beginning to happen on my team (only without the beach and the nice weather). ;) Many of the girls opened up about convictions and visions for the team.

One of my roles as a captain is to bring the team together for prayer and I have also gotten permission to lead "refocus moments."  I never thought that would happen! 

Today I got to lead a devo about playing with freedom.  I got to share about what God showed me this summer- identity, comparison, success, and playing with God.  It is something that I am still learning but it is exciting to connect with God and my teammates every time I step on the court.  I'm beginning to notice a change in my teammates. Praise God!

Why do I doubt God? He has already done so much more in the last few days than I expected to happened this season. 

Week 10

I have been dreading the last week all summer.  This has by far been the best summer of my life and I have not been looking forward to going back home.

The last week was full of packing, watching the Olympics (Go Christa!), last trips to Banzai bowl and frozen yogurt, last teaching talks,workouts, and saying our goodbyes/ see ya laters.  It was definitely a very emotional week for me and I wasn't ready to leave.  I have never been in a community that was so loving and so accepting and was so intentional of knowing God more.  I had the fear that I was never going to have anything like that again. 

Through out the week, I had received so much affirmation from FCAV and from God that something great was going to happen back at home and that this time, God was going back with me.  As Meghan would say, "You don't have to go back, you get to go back."  After my meeting with the staff, I was beginning to get excited about going home. 

The night before we all left was one of the best nights of the summer. After eating dinner at BJs and enjoying our last pizzookie, we went back to the house for a surprise.  When we walked into the house, all the lights were off and candles were lit.  We began the night by walking around the house and allowing God to remind us of all of the memories and conversations that took place.  That alone put me in tears but that was just the beginning of it.  After walking around the house, we sat and prayed/ journaled about what God revealed to us this summer and had a time of worship. During all of this we got to write down our thoughts on a big poster board and paint a big canvas.  So many powerful words and images were painted. Lastly, all of the interns had our feet washed by the FCAV staff.  During one of our prayer/ journal sessions we were given a piece of paper with all of our teammates names on it from back home.  As soon as I saw the names I started crying... again.  I new God had something big planned for these girls! 

I think one of the biggest verses that hit me this summer was actually the first one I read on my flight to California.  Jesus says in Luke 17:20-21, "The kingdom of God does not come with your careful observation, nor will people say, 'here it is, or there it is, because the kingdom of God is within you." No matter if I am in California, back in Arkansas, on or off the volleyball court, God is WITH me wherever I go. :)

Week 9

     Sorry (Graeme) that I'm a little late in writing this blog post. It was a busy last two weeks in South Carolina and getting ready to go home.

Week 9 we went to South Carolina for a big FCAV camp. There were about 30 coaches across the country that came to meet us in South Carolina to coach and be huddle leaders at the camp.  It's amazing to see the talent that God brought together to impact His kingdom through volleyball. My assistant coach from JBU got to come too so it was so great to see her and allow her to see part of what I was able to experience over the summer!  I'm so excited to see what she brings to the team this upcoming season! 

Before camp, we did lots of training, playing and some bonding time at the lake.  We went to Clemson where the dream of FCAV first began.  It's crazy that the vision started in South Carolina but has spread all over the country and the world! 

The camps we ran in Cali were partnered with private schools and were only about 3 hours long. South Carolina was much different.  We partnered with 28 public schools, 2 Christian schools which came to a total of about 300 campers.  We had very busy days: 2 practices, meals with the campers, huddle groups, and a message at night.  We were exhausted but it was so worth it.  My role was to be a gym director, coach and huddle leader.  I was over four teams in one gym and took on the "spiritual leader" role.  My job was to maintain a free, positive, and hardworking atmosphere.  I lead refocus moments to make sure that every one's minds were on the right track- focusing on God and others rather than mistakes, stress, and pride.  I also helped coach a team during practices and lead their huddle group after messages. 

After getting to visit UCLA FCA camp earlier in the summer, I was looking forward to going to South Carolina and running camp.  I had a blast and loved the environment at UCLA.  South Carolina was probably one of the toughest weeks for me though.  I felt like Satan was constantly attacking me which affected my energy and confidence as a leader the first day of camp.  The first night of huddles were okay, but not as good as I expected.  At that point I decided to give my struggles to God.  Although I had been looking forward to this week for so long, this week was not about me.  It was about impacting the girls I coached and serving God as I did it.  Once I switched my mentality the week got better.

The second night at camp was one of the greatest nights of the summer.  We had our message in the volleyball gym and used the court as our stage. We began by playing a volleyball game to introduce the idea that doing life with God leads to freedom.  This was one of the most exciting games that I have ever played in and I believed that it was eye opening to the 300 campers in the stands.  Even though was having a rough few days, I felt peace, joy and freedom in this game.  The ironic thing is that this could have easily been one of the most frustrating games that I have ever played in.  On the court were several current/ former division 1 players, girls who trained for the U.S. national team, and me who plays at a little school in Arkansas.  I intentionally practiced playing with God in this game, especially because I needed Him so much that week.  I was not worried about the score, who was on the other side of the net, what position I was playing.  I was so focused on the moment of encountering God as I played volleyball and the love of the teammates around me and the opponents on the other side of the net.  It was a beautiful thing.

Unfortunately this is not how most of the world plays volleyball or lives life.  We play or live life with stress and fear.  We compare so easily and find our identity and success in the thing we do rather than in God.  This game was a perfect message to the campers and so many great conversations happened in the huddle groups after.  In my group, almost all of the girls opened up about deep issues in their life, half of the girls were in tears and wanting more of Jesus in their life, and a few of the recommitted their lives. 

On the last day of camp we ran a tournament for the teams.  My team played well all day and won their pool.  I could tell that they were playing with God by the peace and freedom and love for their teammates that they showed.  When it came to the final match though, things began to change.  There was more pressure in this game than the previous games.  In the finals, the girls played in front of the rest of the campers, had more pressure from their coach, and the cost of winning  or losing. The girls weren't playing well and were very stressed as they played.  I did my best to encourage them from the sidelines but it didn't change their stress level or mine.  We lost the first set and the second set got off to an even worse start.  During the timeout I was asked to pray for freedom.  I have never prayed in a timeout so it was a little different for me.  As I prayed, I felt a huge sense of peace come over me, and the girls said they felt it too.  The girls went out and began to play so much better.  They didn't end up winning, but they felt more freedom.  We had more great conversations in our huddles after about playing with freedom.  It's so cool that God did all that through a volleyball camp!
praying huddle

week 8

This is my last full week in the state of California (this summer at least).  We are leaving next Monday to go to South Carolina for some more FCAV camps, and then we only have a few more days in Cali once we are back from South Carolina. :(  I have mixed feelings about leaving.  I am so grateful that God has allowed me to come be in a solid, loving community, but I am also exctied to see what God does once I go back to my community in Arkansas.

After a week off of our normal schedule, we are back to our normal work schedule.  We had camp at Mariners Christian School where most of the girls in the small group I leave are from.  It's so fun to get to know them more and more and see how God is working in their lives.  I was the camp director at our last camp, and this week i have a much smaller role- assistant court coach.  When I was camp director, it was so much easier to rely on God's strength because it was a big task that I had not done before. As assistant court coach my role is to lead a session or two and encourage/ critique players.  Technically it is an "easier" job than being camp director, but I forget that I need God just as much.  It is easy for me to forget God in the "small" areas of my life.  I think that I can do it on my own because I have done it before.  I might be able to get through these areas without focusing on God, but doing these things without focusing on Him is not doing things the way He wants to do them.  If I were to focus on God even in the small things in life, I would be able to hear from Him better, and be able to do things in His will and purpose and not my own. 

As I have mentioned in previous blog posts, I am learning to play volleyball with God.  Just as beginning any relationship, including our relationship with Christ, takes intentionality and communication, learning to play volleyball with God takes practice and focus.  This week I was able to hear from God as I played more than ever!  Before practice I read the verse Philippians 4:4-9,
"Rejoice in the Lord always... Let your gentleness be evident to all because the Lord is near. Do not be anxious abut ANYTHING but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts in Christ Jesus. Finally brothers, whatever is true.. noble.. right.. pure.. lovely.. admireble.. focus on these things."
Before practice I asked myself, "what would this look like on the vb court? To be so secure in Christ that I wasn't anxious about anything. No anxiety about messing up, about winning or losing, about what others think of me, about my stats...? I think that others can know that we are playing with God by the peace and gentleness and confidence I have. It seems crazy that God would ask me to apply this to a sport that is full of competition and sressful moments.

During practice God gave me many opportunites to apply this verse.   I practiced with FCAV and was asked to set because there weren't enough setters. I was setting D1 players and against a US national setter and I'm not even a setter! Did I do a good job as a setter? NOT AT ALL!  There were so many moments of anxiety. I sure didn't apply that scripture perfectly in the beginning. I was frustrated with myself, afraid that others were frustrated with me, constanly comparing myself to the other setter (I was the better one ;) ).

 One of my teammates came up to me and could tell I was frutstrated. He said something simple, "Its okay.  We love you and God still loves you.  You are free to make mistakes. It's going to happen." Through that accountability, I was able to refocus and find my freedom and identity in Christ. I still made plenty of  mistakes after, but my faith and identity was not shaken. I had more peace after that and was able to walk out of the gym without questioning my identity as I would have in the past. I don't even remember if we won or lost the game (I think we lost)!  Winning or losing and my performance didn't matter compared to getting to know Christ more in that practice.  Isn't is so cool that we can grow in our faith on a volleyball court?

God revealed Himself in so many ways to me and the other interns on Thursday.  For me personally, I got to encounter God through the teaching that we had after our workout.  A man named Gus from Athletes in Action came and spoke to us about loving God more.  As Gus shared parts of his testimony with us, i felt as if God was sitting in that room speaking to us.  Gus had such an intimate relationship with God unlike I had ever seen before.  He didn't just know about God, he really knew God and loved God.  I was in tears.  Gus understands the purpose of life- to know God more.  The way he loved God, life, his family and others is something I desire to have.  Even the hug he gave me put me in tears.  It felt as if Jesus gave me that hug.

All of the camps and training we have been doing have been preparing us for our South Carolina trip!  We are leaving on Monday at 4am!  I will be a gym director and huddle leader and expect God to do some pretty neat things!  Can't wait to blog about it :)

 

Week 7.3

The rest of this week was pretty relaxing.  It was nice getting a little break from camps/ a working environment and get to know the interns and others out of the FCAV "working" environment. 

We got to spend July 4th on the beach all day!  We got to the beach at 6:30 am to reserve a court and played beach all day with the FCAV family.  When it was time for the fireworks we all camped out  next to each other on the beach. It was definitely one of the best ways to spend the 4th of July! The only down side about the day was having to say bye to our friend, Jordan Cheng, who is leaving for an internship in Taiwan. :( Jordan has been like a brother to all of us.  He has an awesome testimony and loves others deeply with all of his heart.  The love he displays is a love that can only come from God. 

Jordan- Thanks for being a great friend and for hosting us in your awesome home in Utah!  You were a great camp director and touched so many lives, including mine.  I miss ya already!

Thursday we had a meeting to get ready for our South Carolina tirp. We leave on July 16th and will be running a few camps out there.  All of the camp and leadership training we have done up to this point is getting us ready for South Carolina.  In South Carolina we will be spread out and have more leadership responsibilities.  We will be leading a huddle group and be the "spiritual coaches" to young players.  I am getting excited about this trip and am so excited that Coach Witham (my assistant coach at JBU) is coming! :)

Thursday night we had our family night dinner together with the inerns and staff.  Family night is always full of great food, great conversations and lots of laughter!  After dinner we played some games and watched all of the inern application videos.  It is so cool to see how God has worked in all of our lives.  Making that video was only the beginning of this wonderful journey.  Actually for me it was more of a halfway point since I wanted this internship for so long! I am still so grateful to be here.  It is so cool to look back and see the person that I was when I made that video.  I already feel like a new person.  The things I said in that video were true, but now those words have so much more depth and meaning to them.  Praise God. :)

Friday was a relaing sabbath and a supporter dinner at Lauren's house.  We are so blessed to be able to have home cooked meals and time to spend with supporters of FCAV.  After dinner some of us went and played in an open gym.  This was the first time have had the opportunity to play in a game setting- a team, an opponent, and a scoreboard.  It was a perfect opportunity to apply all that I had learned about playing with God in a more competitve environment.  We lost both of our games but I feel like I played with God more than ever before. 

Here is what I wrote in my journal after:
7/6/12
Playing with God give me peace, joy, and confidence in Christ.  Playing becomes an act of worship and overflowing thankfulness to Him who blessed me with the body and talent to play the sport that He created.  I find peace in the midst of trials and chaos.  I don't focus on the score but the teammates and opponents around me.  I see the image and characterics of Christ through my teammates and oppentnts.  The peace allows me to quickly forgive my teammates and myself when mistakes are made.  I am able to rejoice when others succeed because we are a body of Christ. 

The week ended with a few hello's and goodbyes.  I had to say bye to my investment lady/ mentor, Kelly.  I have been blessed by Kelly in soo many ways.  There is so much that I could say, but to keep it simple, Kelly has made a huge impact on my life and has given me such great wisom from God.  I have realized how important having a spiritual mentor in your life is. 

Lastly, two of my former teammates from JBU who live in Cali got to come hang out with me in Hutington.  It was so good to see them and share with them about my life out in Cali.  I think they are crazy for going to school in Arkansas after growing up in Cali.  Who could leave this place? I sure don't want to. :)

week 7.2

We are over halfway through the summer and are switching from sand volleyball to indoor volleyball so we can get ready for our upcoming seasons.  I loved playing sand volleyball and hope that I will be able to play more competitively some day.  Now it's time to focus on court!  I'm still not sure if i like sand or court volleyball more.

Tuesday was our first day to train indoor, other than playing a little bit here and there at the camps we run.  It is so funny watching and listening to the excitement of volleyball players getting ready to play indoor.  Even at 6 am, everyone was extra awake this morning because of the opportunity of getting to play indoor again.  Every time I am able to put on my knee pads and ankle braces is a blessing.  I quickly forget how much of a blessing it is. 

The first day of playing indoor was an extra blessing.  US Men's national players, John Winder and Andy Hein trained us- HOW COOL!?!  Both of them do such a great job of creating an environment that allows us to grow both spiritually and physically.  Our goal is not only to become better volleyball players, but to connect with God as we are practicing the sport we love and that He created.  Today's focus was being in the moment and making the most of it.  As an athlete, I create unnecessary extra pressure by thinking too far ahead in games or in life.  In reality, I can't control the past or the future, only the present.  This idea applies to life also.  We constantly plan and worry about the next day rather than being in the moment that God has given us. 

One fear that I had before I came to Cali was that I would compare my playing abilities to others.  When I found out who the other interns were and where they went to school, I was a little intimidated.  The reason why I was intimidated was because I was still finding part of my identity in who I was as a volleyball player and not who I was in the eyes of Christ.  Yes, volleyball is a big part of me, but it is not all that I am.  When I was younger, I didn't know who I was other than a volleyball player.  I was the girl who lived by the quote "Eat, sleep, play volleyball."  And as embarrassing as this is now, I was even once a volleyball for Halloween, the best looking volleyball. ;)  I realized how much of my life was wrapped around volleyball and how much my identity was in volleyball growing up.  Over the past few years and even now I am continuing to learn that I am first, a daughter of God, and secondly, I am a volleyball player, a student, a friend.....  When I first find my identity in Christ, I am more free to play the other roles in life.

Even as we learn about our identity in Christ, it is still easy for us to go back to our old ways and begin to compare.  One thing we did before practice was pray against the desire to compare and to continue find our identity in Christ.  There is a variety of skill level here- girls who played in high school to girls who played at small colleges to girls who played division 1 and plan on playing overseas to men's collegiate and national players.  It is such a wide variety of skill level but all equal in the eyes of Christ.  God has given us different gifts and talents and together we make a team and become the body of Christ. 

Week 7.1

Initially we were all supposed to go to UCLA FCA camp this week, but things didn't work out so we had a relaxing week and worked on getting caught up on some of our projects.

I was really wanting to go to UCLA so I ended up going to UCLA camp on Saturday while some of the other girls went to Hollywood. UCLA FCA camp is the biggest camp (i think) in the country with about 700 total campers.  I got to spend the day down there and loved it!  I didn't know exactly what I was going to be doing there but I ended up getting to coach and hang out with the campers for the day.  There were about 50 volleyball players there and two of my friends were huddle leaders so it was fun to hang out with them. Had I gone one day earlier, I would have gotten to meet Tim Tebow! Darn :(

At UCLA camp I ended up getting to coach defense with another coach who played at Long Beach State (one of my dream schools when I was younger). ;)  It was so cool to build a relationship with her and learn from her coaching.  It would have been so easy to step in to that gym with so many great coaches and college players and go back to my old sinful ways.  In the past I would have easily compared my playing and coaching abilities to theirs. I would have been intimidated and afraid to play or coach out of fear of what others were thinking of me.  I am so grateful that God's grace has rid me of that mindset.  Because of His grace I am free to be the player and coach that He has made me.  I am not a "perfect" player or coach, don't know the best drills, don't have the vertical or speed of a Division 1 player, or have the experience that some have, but I trust and believe that God has given me the gifts that He wants me to have and has placed me where He wants me to be.  Having more security in Christ gives me the freedom to be bold as a coach.  God gave me peace and allowed opportunites to speak to the players as I coached them.  I was able to share with them how I recognized God in the midst of stressful games.  Maybe I can come back next summer and be a huddle leader! :)

One of the things us interns get to do is lead a small group.  It has been a little crazy finalizing small groups, but my friend Rachel and I finally got to start ours this week.  We were blessed to have a local mom host us and invite 12 pre-teens over to her house for a small group.  It was such a blessing to be able to talk to these girls and share my story with them.  I have never lead a small group other than a quick 10 minute ones after an FCA event.  It was so fun getting to know these girls, hearing their teenage girl problems and being able to listen to God give me the words to say back to them.  I am so excited to spend some more time with these girls. :) Immediatley after small groups, one of the girls sent me a sweet text saying, "Thank you soooo much! I alrady feel closer to God."  It's crazy how something so simple can make a huge impact.

Week 6

This week has been one of the most challenging but one of the most joyful weeks I have had.  It has been awesome!  I feel like I am experiencing and understaning the verse 2 Corinthians 12:10 ~ "For when I am weak, then I am strong."

Before I came here I honestly didn't think I was "good enough" to come here.  I knew that FCAV was about developing leaders and there was no way I would have ever considered myself a leader.  I could give you a million reasons why me being a leader was a bad idea.  I replayed the lies of satan in my mind over and over which prevented me from accepting God's love understanding who Christ has called me to be.  When I thought about being a leader I thought that I had to be someone or follow in the footsteps of others.  Yes, it is good to have role models, but when you are only looking to them it creates a pressure that you have to be someone.  When I thought about being a coach, I thought it had to be done a specifice way.  I constantly beat myself up when I messed up and thought that I wouldn't be a good coach. 

God has given me a boldness to try new things, but once i fail I become scared to put myself in the same situation (sports, jobs, relationships...). The truth is that we are not perfect and we are going to fail.  God isn't mad at us when we fail.  All He wants is for us to trust Him and learn from Him through the process.

Last week I was able to heal me of different areas of my life and allow me to trust Him and find my identity completely in Him before anything else.  I began to stop believing all of the lies of "I can't and I'm not good enough to."  I was able to accept His love and seek Him with my whole heart. Fully surrendering to Him creates freedom to do what He has called us to do.

Since then I have had increadible opportunities to be used by God.  Last week I was able to minister to some people at beach fest and grow even closer to the girls here. Then someone had a crazy idea to make me camp director at the next camp we went to.  At the beginning of the summer I knew that at some point I was most likely going to be camp director and honeslty I was not excited about it. 

When I found out i was going to be camp director, initially I was a little hesistant but knew this was going to be a test of faith and something I knew God wanted me to do. I had some doubts because I would be the first intern to be camp director and I found out the night before camp.  My role as camp director would be to come up with the spiritual focuses of the week, talk about them at camp, get speakers, and create a free and loving atmosphere for the campers- Oh boy!

There were brief moments that i thought I had to do it all on my own, but then I remembered how impossible that was.  I can't do ANYTHING on my own!  God is with me and He will give me the ideas, the strength, the energy and the peace.  Once I surrendered to Him and recognized that I wasn't alone, there was so much joy and freedom.  I was starting to get excited about this position because I knew that it was a chance to get to know God better and trust Him more.  :)

Once I surrendered the planning of this camp to Him,  my job was easy- to follow Him.  He gave me clear direction on what to talk about.  The topics I spoke on were things I had dealt with/ am learning now.  At every FCAV camp the weekly focus is to play with God and each day there is a daily focus within playing with God.

Day 1: Who we are with God (identity)
Day 2: Taking Risks with God (Trusitng God)
Day 3: Loving others with God (Joy)

This camp was a little different than most of the camps we go to.  This camp was outside, co-ed, 5th-8th graders, and most of the kids had never played volleyball and didn't care to be there.  It was awesome seeing all the coaches adjust and love on this kids.  Some of the kids were harder to love, but the coaches never stopped loving them!  It was so amazing to see how God worked this week!

Long story short: "God does not call the equipped, He equips His callers."

Other than camp, the second best part of the week was the training we had this morning at CDM.  John Winder and Andy Hein (US national players) came to train us in sand vb.  We have been playing quite a bit, but it was such a cool experience to be lead by Christian US National players who applied their faith to their sport. 

Check out the video from our camps!
http://vimeo.com/44987652

Week 5

My summer is almost halfway over. The thought of leaving makes me so sad.  I've definitely had thoughts about  moving out here one day!

Saturday we had a beach day and invited the whole FCA volleyball family out to enjoy one another.  It is beautiful to see such a loving and welcoming family interact with each other.  The community here is unlike anything I have ever experienced before. FCAV has a goal to simply know God more and from that there is an overflow of genuine love that invites others in. I have never felt as valued and loved as I have here.  This is the kind of love that draws people in,  allows people to be vulnerable with one another, and grow with one another.  This love can only be from God. 

God is teaching me so much.  I am getting to know Him more and He is reminding me who I am to Him.  I've been a Christian for so long but have never fully accepted God's love which has prevented me from accepting others love.  God has reminded me of His grace and desire to be with Him.  He has satisfied every need of mine and given me a new joy and peace even in the midst of trials.
On Wednesday we got to go line dancing.  It was quite the experience.  I have never been line dancing before other than what I learned in middle school gym class. We didn't get to the place early enough to actually learn the dances so we went out on the dance floor having no idea what we were doing.  I'm pretty sure I was never facing the right direction which made line dancing both funny and frustrating.  I did get to learn how to two-step though!

Today we went to Huntington beach and got to set up a booth at Beach Fest (a Christan ministry event).  Before we set up I got to go down to the sand courts and play with my friend, Mary and a few other girls who were training for the AVP.  Mary and I weren't quite at their level but it was such a neat experience.  I would love to be able to come out here one day to train.  Maybe i won't go to the AVP, but I'd love to see where God takes my passions.
Back at the booth we had the opportunity to tell others about FCAV.  At first it was hard to figure out who would be interested in a volleyball ministry.  Some of the people i talked to were volleyball players or knew of volleyball players, but most of them had no interest in volleyball.  Although I was able to connect a few people with FCAV, I realized that the main goal wasn't to connect them with FCAV, but to Jesus.  There was such a diverse group of people who came by the booth.

 One guy played some volleyball for fun, but His passion was with motorcycles. He expressed that he wanted to combine his passions for motorcycles and God but didn't see how that was possible.
 I began to tell Him how FCAV got started- simply a passion for God and volleyball.  I saw his face light up when he realized that He could do something similar with his passion for motorcycles.  It is so cool that God has given us passions and unique giftings to bring Him glory!

Another guy I talked to named Rick had no reason to be at an FCAV booth.  Rick was about 60 year  old and didn't look like the athletic type.  I almost ignored him at first because i didn't think that he would be interested in FCAV, but then I began a 20 minute long conversation with him.  Within one minute of talking to him he told me that he had a gambling and alcohol addiction.  Though I couldn't personally relate to these problems, I was able to tell him about people in my life who struggled with the same thing.  Rick also mentioned that he was homeless and had been living in his car for the past 10 years.  He told me that he was a Christian but Satan was bringing him down and was being controlled by so many things. He said he felt guilty all the time for giving into sin and not staying on the path that God had for him.  Long story short, I was able to pray for Rick at the end of our conversation.  Although I didn't get Him connected with FCAV, hopefully He was able to connect with Jesus! :)

Next week (Monday- Wednseday) I will be camp director for our camp! I'm excited and nervous about it but I know that it's going to teach me to rely on God more than ever.  I have learned that I am willing to be bold and try new things, but when I fail i don't want to put myself in the same position again.  I'm sure there will be many times that I will fail as camp director, but as long as i continue to trust God, it will all work out.  Can't wait to tell you guys about it next week! :)

week 4

It's already been a month! This summer is going by way too fast. It's definitley going to be hard to leave.  My mom got to come visit and I got to spend some time with her when I had some free time.

This week we got to help with and run some camps.  The first camp we helped with was sponsored by in-n-out for foster kids and we got to lead them through basic drills- I had the ladder station! :)  We couldn't explicitly share our faith the way we would at the camps we run, but we got to love on these kids and speak truth into their lives. 

We ran our first camp this week at Salem Lutheran.  It was so fun and yet so different than any other camp I have been to or coached.  Coaches were being intentional in making Christ the center of camp by finding simple ways to allow the girls to get their minds forcused on the eternal. At the beginning of camp the director for the week made sure the girls knew that they were valued regardless of ability and that mistakes were going to happen but don't define them.  There was so much freedom for the girls to play in an environment like this. It was obvious that the camers understood what playing with God meant.  At the end of camp, one of the younger campers closed with a simple prayer. "Dear Jesus, thank you for being here with us and playing volleyball with us. Amen." 

One of our tasks is to create a project that helps save the world through volleyball.  Maggie and I decided to create a blog that allows coaches and player to share how their faith has impacted how they play and coach.  check out the website: http://playingstronglivingstrong.blogspot.com/.

Personally, I feel like I am learning so much spiritually and constantly learning from God.  One of the best things about this internship is our sabbath days.  I have always known that the Sabbath was important but it is so hard to do as a college athlete.  Having a Sabbath day has been so great and has allowed God to speak to me and give me rest.  In college I constantly filled my time with more thing to do for God but never had the time to process all that He was teaching me or even time to rest.  I thought that by doing more I would be more successful but God wants to spend time with us and allow us to rest.

Week 3

I have almost been here for three weeks now and I am starting to get used to our schedule.  This week has been full of more camp training and of course more intense workouts and lots of sand volleyball (unless Graeme decides to forget the balls). 

Last Saturday we got to go down to Laguna beach and play sand for a while.  At first it started out with just FCAV, but after a few hours we had 10 new people there who we got to talk to and play with.  There have been so many unique ministry opportunities!

One of the main things we try to focus on is the idea of playing WITH God and not just FOR God.  I have always tried to play FOR God, but am now beginning to fall in love with the idea of playing with God as I invite Him to the court with me.  I have often separated my faith from my sport.  I might pray before games, but when it comes to be game time, I think I can handle it on my own.  I try to play for God by giving my all, working hard, respecting authority ... but i still feel the fear of messing up, what my coaches will think and keep track of my own failures.  I am beginning to see that playing with God brings peace, joy, and freedom.  After all, God created volleyball and created us and loves watching us play the game He created!

Every Sunday we spend about 3 hours working on a personal project.  We were asked to come up with a project that will save the world through volleyball.  My friend Maggie and I have created a blog that connects coaches and players and allows them to share how they see and experience God in their sport.  (I'll post the link to it next week).

I have been feeling God working in my heart more and more.  I am beginning to trust Him more and desire to spend more and more time with Him and also experience Him within the things that I do, including volleyball. I can't wait to see what He does next week! :)

Week 2

I have now been here for a week and a half.  It still feel like i've known these girls for so long! It's been a busy week full of many tasks to accomplish for FCA volleyball and doing our workouts.

The weather here is so nice! It's a little chilly in the morning, but the good thing is i'm not sweating like I do in Arkansas.  I already learned my lesson about wearing sunscreen.  Even though it's not as hot as Arkansas, the sun still works the same.  I have a pretty sweet burn on my back which is now peeling. :(

I usually consider myself a morning person, but FCAV has definitely challenged me by getting up at 5:45 every moring for a devo/ quiet time.  It has been hard to wake up so early, but it is so great to start of the morning meditating on God's word and spending time in prayer.

After our devo we have workouts or sand training.  I love being able to workout outside (that is until it starts raining).  We do our workouts at an ampitheater across the street. There are no dumbells, no machines, and no track.  Who needs all that when you have a huge stage, blechers, a 120 ft. ramp, and a very steep grass hill?  I was sore even after pre-testing and I rarely get sore.  I should also mention that mmy trainer's arms are the size of my legs!  He is pretty intense!

I've been surrounded by some great volleyball players- Jonathan Winder from the mens national team, Christa Harmatto from the womens national team, Tracy Stalls, and other current college players.  We got to go watch the US national team play in a scrimmage this week and it was amazing!  Sand volleyball is so much different than I thought.  Obviously it is harder to run and jump in the sand than it is on court, but even the technique is so different.  I love it though!!  I definilty want to continue playing even after college. 

This week we had training for small groups, camps, and began the genesis process, 1-1 meetings with staff, accountability walks, investment lady night, worship night, and attempting to come up with an idea that will save the world through volleyball.  There is a lot to process still, but God is definitley leading this ministry and drawing people closer to Him. 

Today we went to Laguna beach and got to play some volleyball.  At first it was just FCAV buy after 3 hours we had about 10 new people and got to tell them what we were doing- a great ministry opportunity!

I am so grateful for the staff here.  I have been wanting to live in a solid community like this for so long!  I have so many amazing people around me who are loving me, challenging me, and helping me draw closer to God.

check out the video from week two!
http://vimeo.com/43533348

Week 1

So I have almost been here an entire week and all I can say is WOW!  This internship is way more than I thought I wanted (in a good way).   Today was our Sabbath day and we got to rest and relax and recap on the past few days.  It was so great to look back and see all that God has done.  He did a lot already!  I already feel like I have a new family. :)

The first day was a bit overwhelming for me.  Saying bye to family and friends (crying at the airport), two plane rides, a new state, meeting new people, a new house, and meeting more new people.  I finally was able to talk face to face with the people have spent the past few months praying for me, talking on the phone with, and getting to know via facebook.   I was a little shocked but definitley excited! 

Soon after we arrive we are told that we are going to Utah for a few days (another new state).  We were blessed to stay at a friend's vaction house with an increadible view to the mountains.  We got to do some pretty intense hiking up some pretty intense mountains, play some sand voleyball, swim, eat well and get to know each other better.  So many great conversations happened in the 5 hour car ride to Utah, hikes up the mountain, and through the daily devos in the living room.  Although I have been hiking at Devil's Den and the Ozark Mountains, that was nothing compared to the hikes in Utah!

  After just 2 days I felt that these girls were my sisters!  It was crazy how I was able to relate to each girl in some way other than the sport of volleyball.  Volleyball was what brought us together, but we share so many other things in common.  I never expected to find  other girls with such similar backgrounds as I.  The vulnerability and love was something I have never seen before, even with some of my closest friends.  There were things that I was able to tell these girls that may take me months or years to share with others.  It's amazing how such a loving community allows you to be open and transparent. 

Day four was an adventure.  Our leaders, Daniel and Graeme, being the adventerous men they are, decide to go for another hike while the girls go and play some sand volleyball.  Long story short, Daniel and Graeme decide to scale a super crazy mountain 900 feet high and figure out that there is no way down. With no water left, both become extremely dehydrated and are physically unable move.   After many hours of the girls worrying, searching the mountains, praying, and phone calls, a search and rescue team of 25 men bring Greame and Daniel down the mountain and back home safely.   I can't tell you how happy I was to see them the next morning!  It was almost like Christmas morning.

Now I am back in California, where I thought I was supposed to be originally.  The last two night I got to meet several people working with FCA volleyball.  It is so cool how many amazing people I have met just because of a little volleyball.  I got to meet people from South Carolina, to New York, to Texas, to Illinois, to Florida, and somehow God has brought us to Cali, not just to become better volleyball players, but more importantly to know Him more.  Last night at dinner I got to sit next to Tracy Stalls (a former D1 player from Nebraska), and tonight I got to talk with Christa (a former Penn state player, and a current National player).  You would think that we would be talking all night about volleyball, but our conversations went deeper and deeper and after just a few minutes of knowing each other, we were talking about how Jesus was wokring in our lives. 

Another cool person I got to meet was Daniel's roommate, Bryan, who also works with FCA.  We quickly realized we had much in common between our family background and our passion for kids and sports.  I was able to share with him the research that I had done in one of my classes last semester, and he encouaged me to join the development team as they develop a coaching philosophy and a new volleyball club!  God has done so much work in this ministry and I have never met such genuine and intentional people!

Check out this link to see a video of my first week!
https://vimeo.com/43183966

This is just the beginning of what I have been looking forward to for over a year now!

Tomorrow!

I can't believe that I will be in California TOMORROW! I have been waiting for over a year for this opportunity and it begins tomorrow.  Actually, it has already began.  Since I found out that I got the internship, God has already been challenging me and continuing to show me how great He is.   Between finishing my second year of college, raising the last little bit of support, saying bye to family and friends, and preparing to go to California, it has been an emotional few weeks.  With His help I was able to raise all of the support that I needed to go to California.  God has conqured every fear that I had during the process.  I am so blessed to have family, friends, teachers... to be on my support team. 
The last few weeks have been very emotional.  I can't wait to meet my new fcav family tomorrow!

"Our first love is to God, not our ministry or good works."

Journal 9.26.11

September 26

Father God,

As an athlete, I have worked so hard to be good.  I tend to rely on my own power and strength instead of giving you the glory.  When I do things for my own benefit, I become prideful, make volleyball an idol, and search for approval in others. 

When I devote my platform and abilities to you, it frees me up to play with joy and freedom.  I don't have to worry about others approval.

Journal 8.6.2011

July 6, 2011

Father God,

In the past, I have been motivated to play volleyball for the wrong reasons.  I wanted recognition, attention, and to win.  Help me to be motivated to play by your love alone.

Journal- 7.14.11

Father God,

Thank you so much for the gift of volleyball and the opportunities that I have had to play this summer and the last 10 years.  I have struggled with putting volleyball above you, and winning meant everything to me.  I was not truly out there to give you all of the glory.  I wanted to make my name known, and I wanted the attention.  Forgive me for placing volleyball above you.

Thank you for teaching me that I need to focus on you alone, and not through volleyball or anything else.  Thank you for giving me the time to spend with you this summer.  When I am filed with you alone is when I can freely serve you in ministry.  Thank you for the talent you hae given me.  Help me to use it to glorify you.  Let my actions be Christ-like and out of love.  When I coach, help me to love each player equally.  Let my words and actions come from you.  In all that I do, I pray that you are glorified and not me.  Help me not to rely on my own abilities, but remember that it is you who gave me the ability.

I really want to work with FCA volleyball next summer!  I want to develop the talents you have given me, and to show others love on and off the court.  You are in controll of my future.  Help me to glorify you in all that I do.

"Our first love is to God, not our ministry or good works."

Journal 7.14.2011

Father God,

Thank you for taking everything away from me and canceling all of my plans.  Time with you is more prescious than anything.

Journal 7.1.2011

July 7, 2011

Father God,

I am beginning to understand what you are teaching me.  This summer has not gone as planned but my plans are not your plans and your ways are higher.  You have taken away all of my distractions so that I can spend time with you alone.  I need to be still and meditate on your word and rest in you alone.  Nothing compares to you.  The ministry and good works that you are calling me to cannot come before you.  Everything else in my life should look like hate compared to my relationship with you. Help me to focus on you alone.

Journal 6.14.2011

June 14, 2011

Father God,

This summer is not what I thought it would be and I don't know what you are calling me to.  I had many plans, but one by one they are being cancelled. 

What does it look like to be completely dependent on you, to be able to say tat it is well in all circumstances and to love you first?  How do you want me to devote my time, my money and my energy this summer?

So far I have felt lonely this summer.  Most of my friends are gone, and my house is empty.  Help me to find you here and enjoy your presence.  Help me to see you as my Father.

I am really hoping that I get the FCA internship next summer in California if it is your will.  Who wouldn't want to go to California and play sand volleyball?  That sounds perfect to me!  I don't want to go if my motives aren't pure.  Is FCA waht you want me to do?

Looking back

For over a year, God has been preparing my heart for something big!  Recently I got the exciting news that I will be getting the opportunity to do an internship with FCA volleyball this summer in California! Looking back at my journals, I am able to see how God has been changing and preparing my heart.  Many of you have been praying and encouraging me through this process and I am so grateful for each of you. I am using this blog to share with you how God has been working in my life.  I will be posting journal entries from the past year and will also continue to share how God is preparing me and using me this summer.

Through middle school and high school, I have had an interest in FCA and a desire to know how to incoorporate God in sports.  I attended a few FCA events in middle school and high school, but began to become even more involed when I came to college.  Growing up playing almost every sport including soccer, tennis, cheerleading, softball, basketball, volleyball and track, athletics has played a major role in who I am, but I have learned that it does not define who I am.  I believe that God can be found in every aspect of our life, and through those aspects, we can glorify Him.