My season ended about two weeks ago. I feel like I invested the last 9 months into this season (3 months in off-season, 3 months learning, growing and preparing in California, and 3 months in season. It's crazy that it's over already.
I am so grateful to have interned with FCA volleyball this summer. It changed the way I played, helped me become a better leader on my team, and helped me know God more. My entire volleyball career I've tried to find my identity in the sport of volleyball. I was overly concerned about my playing time, what coaches, teammates, fans, parents thought of me, and the result of winning and losing. I would come in to season on a spiritual high ready to play volleyball for God, but by the end of season I was totally burned out and ready to be done with the season because my identity was in volleyball and not in God.
Previous Seasons This season
-I played for God. -I was able to play with God.
-I played with fear. - I was able to play with joy and freedom.
-I was jealous of teammates. - I was able to love my teammates.
- I held on to my mistakes. - I laughed off mistakes (literally).
-I was defeated when I was benched. - I was not shaken when I was taken out.
- I thought I was more important because I was a starter. - I realized that everyone was important.
- I was so frustrated with losing. -Process is more important than results.
Many people think that college athletics is stressful and all about perfomance, but I don't think that is how God intended it to be. There were definitely times when I was stressed this season but overall I don't view the season as stressful. I felt a new love for the game and had a blast playing with freedom. I've never laughed and smiled so much playing college volleyball.
My team adopted the idea of playing with freedom and seeked to understand what that meant. We believed that loving each other on the court and giving our all is more important than winning. We noticed that when we were loving and encouraging each other was when we played the best and often led to wins.
This season was full of so many trials which reminded us that the Christian life isn't always easy. We began pre-season 16-3 and beat some pretty good teams. After what seemed like was a great season, we went 3-8 in conference, had a few injuries, and cut a player from the team. These trials allowed sin to creep in which prevented us from being able to love well. We ran sprints (at midnight), had many heart to heart conversations to try to figure out why we weren't loving each other on the court and why that resulted in us losing so much.
God was breaking us down. We hated the things we went through, but in the end it brought us closer to God and to each other. There was one point in the season when my coaches were broken and had to make some hard decisions. Before one of our biggest conference matches, one of my coaches pulled me out of the locker room with tears in her eyes. She said, "I have always liked the idea of playing/ coaching with freedom, but I still don't know what it means for me, especially at this point in the season." My teammates and I also felt this way. Once we were broken and realized our need for Him, we began to love each other well again and play with more freedom.
Last year at this point I was tired of volleyball and felt distant from God. The internship helped me realize that my identity lies in Christ and that I am loved unconditionally regardless of how good I am of a volleyball player I am.
